What do I have? Interesting thing happened to me as I searched for the name of my pain. You see I know the pain and call it pain. I can describe it and rate it and hate it. I just can’t name it! I want to know what I have!
Why do I need to know what I have? To describe it or cure it? So that the doctors can treat it and or tell me treatment isn’t an option? Yes but more than that, I want to finally put an end to the search for what I have so I can begin the other processes such as treatment or making peace with the knowledge that there isn’t any cure.
This is how we cope, we learn to live with the hand we have. Identifying “it” is the first step! It’s like life is put on hold until we know. Knowledge is key to our understanding and we would all perish without being able to learn and adapt to life.
Plus I’ve lived the lie that I must know what I have so I can give the proper awe inspiring testimony about what Jesus did. But hold on… you mean my healing is dependant on my learning the name of my sickness first? I think there are plenty of diagnosed people in church today that would’ve been healed already if knowing motivated Jesus. Like Jesus has some ego in need of validation and refuses to be our healer until we can boast about His power. It’s laughable I thought that way. Yet I want to know what I have! And healed or not Jesus is my hero!
Knowing what I have will end this uncertainty and help me move forward. Knowing will bring about the resolve needed to deal with whatever needs dealing with. We all know that until we ‘know’, we really don’t move on because the first step towards any finality is diagnosing the problem. Once known we are able to gather the proper treatment protocols and begin fighting.
To keep this short…
I know what I feel but I don’t know what I have. Feeling the pain is critical in helping to identify the cause and treat the disease. Do you see how symptomatic we are? Symptoms lead us to the truth about ourselves and play a critical role in treatment. I strongly dislike the fact that so many diseases are linked to the same symptoms because it complicates the diagnostic process.
Sunday I woke up and immediately remembered the words of Jesus.
He said “I will heal you.”
And in that rememberance a wave of understanding washed out the ignorance and lies that kept me from moving on.
You see Jesus knows what I have before I felt the first symptom. Before I realized the pain was here to stay Jesus knew my pain would need more than Tylenol to go away.
Jesus was there when Adam named names, when God named the heavens and called the light, ‘day’. Jesus has the key and His name is above every name! The only name or identity I need to move on is the one God gave…
And in that name I find the ability to move on. In the name of Jesus I discover healing and find peace. The need to identify my disease just took a back seat to my need to identify with what I have in the name of Jesus. Oh what a name!
I feel pain but I have Jesus! And finding comfort in any other name isn’t possible.
The doctor hasn’t said what I have because he doesn’t know. Jesus said he will heal me and that is all I needed to know. The naming of my disease would be nice but in Christ I find the protocols I need to fight not only disease but many other symptoms such as fear of disease and depression because of disease. So if I do get a name for my disease it will be of no help to me because I already have the name I need to be healed.
Disclaimer… we need doctors, we need to know what disease we have been afflicted with and seek medical treatment. Diagnosing our symptoms is what we do and I’m not belittling the importance of that. I’m simply stating my journey as I see it and my opinions are many and not one of them would argue against seeking medical advice. I would only argue against fearing the name man gives to our symptoms because Jesus gave us His name and His name is the only name that properly motivates our path toward the victory over any other name named, and of this I am certain.